March 16, 2014

Paper Plates and Cabbage

We needed paper plates. Not one thousand paper plates. Just enough to tide us through the days when we don't feel like washing dishes. That would be a quick trip to Walgreen's. From parking, to running in, to checking out, it'd be ten minutes. Tops.

Which is perfect, because despite my near constant presence at The Store, capital "T" capital "S," I hate shopping. From making the list, to scavenging for items matching the coupons painstakingly clipped, to throwing the stuff in the cart, to waiting in the checkout line, to lobbing the stuff from the cart onto the conveyor belt, to stuffing it all into the car, to hauling it into the house, only to pack it away where it magically disappears into the cupboards, fridge and freezer: I loathe shopping, and also, especially The Store, capital "T" capital "S."

Doesn't help that the place is one square block, and nine times out of ten, if I'm there for even four things, all four things are in opposite corners of the square block.

After hopping into the car for the ten minute Walgreen's trip, I remembered: We need cabbage for St. Patty's Day. Walgreen's has a lot of stuff, but cabbage definitely isn't one of them. No. That's a job for The Store, capital "T" capital "S.

What about the gas station? They have plates, right? And cabbage? No. No the gas station does not have cabbage, and if they did, I have a sneaking suspicion that I wouldn't want it anyway.

Once I was done banging my head on the steering wheel and a series of choice words, I headed to The Store, capital "T" capital "S" and began my one block amble for two items that were, expectedly, located in opposite ends of The Store.

Item 1: Cabbage. Done.

Photo: Joshua Minso,
Item 2: Oh, wait! Pineapple's on sale? I'll just grab one of those. Oh, and do we have carrots? Well, you can never have enough carrots. I'll take two bunches. 

Now onto...
Item 2: Paper plates. Done.

At just over thirty minutes, I was done. Almost. Because that's when I thought it would be a nice treat to make homemade mint green shakes since swinging by McDonald's for the annual Shamrock Shake was out of the question by this time.

Forty five minutes later, I finally reached the Promised Land: the checkout line, only there was no line. I did a happy dance and grinned in response like I had just pulled off the greatest heist in history.

One, by one, as each item plopped onto the conveyor belt, I reviewed them to myself: Pineapple. Carrots. Paper plates. Green shake stuff. Cauliflower.

Cauliflower? Why the? What the? Where's the cabbage?

I'll never know why I picked up cauliflower instead of cabbage. All I know is that it's most likely in the corner opposite of the cauliflower, and that I'll be back at The Store, capital "T," capital "S" sometime tomorrow.

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