On Behalf of Regular People...

The National Battle of the Bulge, otherwise known as the New Year is upon us: Enter the onslaught of celebrity endorsed weight loss commercials.

Slim-Jim Jennifer Hudson now screeches alongside her meatier self from American Idol days.

Teeny tiny Janet Jackson does a sexy voiceover for a weight-loss magical food program.

Nice, but believable? Seriously, is there anyone who really believes they can lose weight through a particular diet or weight-loss pill, powder or drink just because a celebrity gets pseudo-motivational and says: “If I can do it, so can you.”

As the Unofficial Spokesperson for Regular People, I must first say Ugh on all our behalf. And secondly, No. No, Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. Celebrity, you can do it because you’ve got nannies who are at your kids’ beck and call while you work out six or eight hours a day. Regular People work in eight hours a day at a desk, or on a sales floor, or in a warehouse or behind a cash register or in our homes herding errant toddlers like one herds cats.

No, Starlet, you can do it because your elliptical is in the workout wing of your mansion, well out of interrupting distance from a child and/or husband and/or dog. Regular People keep their elliptical in the den or basement within earshot or shoulder-tapping reach of everyone.

Ms. Diva, I know you can do it, because you’ve got one person grocery shopping according to your physician-tailored diet plan and another one waiting to prepare chez’ food just for you in your state-of-the-art kitchen. Regular People only see the doctor for the annual physical or if there’s a sickness that 7Up and ibuprofen can’t cure. And diet plan? Regular People are doing good just to plan a menu two weeks in advance and then fit in shopping; which I might add, is done 99% of the time without the aid of a personalized shopper.

Ms. CelebriStar, Regular People really have no gripe with you. Heck, we don't even know you. What we do know is this: if you can do it, then...well, that's you. You ought to be able to do it.

Our lives are different from yours, so enough with the pseudo-motivation, already. Regular People will figure out this battle of the bulge sooner or later...and it won't be due to your stamp of approval.

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